Living with a narcissist when can be a nightmare to any person. Since you’re reading this, I’m going to assume that you suspect or know your family member has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You should already know that having narcissist traits and having narcissistic personality disorder are two completely different things.
So, this article will explain how to not give a f*ck about their bullshit, while thickening your skin and developing your mental toughness, which is a must if you are currently living with a narcissist.
How you should view the Narcissist
Become aware that these people show no remorse, have zero empathy, and are blind to other perspectives. Guess what? They want to see your emotional reactions. They do it consciously.
There may have been instances where they can be seen smirking or plain laughing when they are insulting and humiliating someone else. They hurt people knowing fully they are hurting them, and they love it.
They love putting people down, so they can assert themselves of their own artificial superiority. Unable to self-reflect, they spread their negativity to everyone they encounter. They are unable to feel the slightest regret and hold no responsibility for any wrongdoing committed.
Understanding this, now you know the pit of darkness and ugliness they come from and what you’re dealing with. But you might say: “he/she suffered in his/her childhood, therefore he/she is a Narc now. I understand where the Narc is coming from.” But let me tell you, there is no middle ground in your perception of the Narcissist.
This is one of their psychological powers and why they were able to manipulate you in the first place; Cognitive Dissonance.
There is no scale of grey here; it’s either all or nothing. You either view the Narcissist as good or bad. No in-betweens.
I’ve had a few encounters apart from living with a narcissist myself, and let me tell you from experience, it doesn’t matter whether it’s your mother, father, sister, brother, uncle, or aunt; the Narcissist is Pure Evil.
Develop a Warrior-like Mental Toughness
So, if you are living with a narcissist, you should put aside your pity, empathy, and caring attitude to the Narc: This is War you’re getting into.
They are not afraid to point out your flaws just to make you look weaker, and you must not believe any of their bullshit. Stay true to yourself.
There are two key components that are the most important knowledge for your new mentality. The first one is:
1. Be Emotionally Unreactive
Their mockery won’t concern you. His view is not your reality. The narcissist comes from a low place, and you are ten times better than him/her.
Therefore, the Narc’s bad behavior won’t implicate you, it will not affect you simply because his low energy is too much of an obstacle to your high value.
Do not let the Narcissist pull you to their dark world; you don’t have the time nor the energy to do so. I’m guessing you have been pulled there before, and it’s obviously not fun.
Don’t give the Narc their supply; the supply being your emotional reaction.
Even if you are boiling in fear or anger inside, you must not show it. Be objective, cold, indifferent. Show no fear.
Do not let your spirit be influenced by your body, or your body be influenced by your spirit. Be neither insufficiently spirited nor over spirited. An elevated spirit is weak and a low spirit is weak. Do not let the enemy see your spirit.
2. Keep your Distance
This is the second most crucial point: The best way to deal with a Narcissist is by not dealing with him.
Maintain your distance as much as you can if you want to prevent further damage to your life. If you are living with a Narcissist, then you must do all you can to isolate yourself from him. Cut all ties because the Narc will try to control you back. All their actions serve themselves and they only want, you guessed it, Narcissistic Supply. Do not give them Narcissistic Supply.
These two key understandings will help you in normal, daily encounters. Now, what if the worst happens? What if you find yourself being verbally abused? When you are being confronted directly by the Narc?
3. The Narcissist will test you
They might not believe your masquerade and will question your swag. Expect this at any moment; they will hit you where it hurts most. Don’t let them rattle you, though. THEY WILL PUSH YOUR BUTTONS. Expect it.
Be extremely clear with your boundaries; stand your ground when they are crossing them. Show them you won’t let them put a collar around your neck.
Remember, you are not a domestic dog, you are a Wolf. Act like one.
Bonus tip if your Narc becomes insecure because you stood up for yourself.
5. Smirk when the Narcissist insults you
Don’t plan to smile as if you are indeed super happy that the Narc is crushing your soul (unless you have Stockholm Syndrome) but the combination of not showing any signs of fear, being emotionally unreactive, and then SLIGHTLY SMIRKING at the Narc’s face will confuse the crap out of him/her.
The good thing about this strategy is that it builds strength in your character, and your skin will become thicker against the psychological insults.
The only downside to this is that the Narcissist will try harder to maul your soul. I used this strategy on my Narc father which lead to him publicly humiliating me, which didn’t work to put me down.
By the way, Narcissists love making public scenes and don’t care to hurt you in public. With this in mind, it goes to the next point:
6. Pick your battles
You don’t have to respond to every insult they throw at you; sometimes trying to prove you’re the best is an insult itself.
They want supply: positive and negative attention is attention nonetheless.
Starve the Narcissist of the supply. He or she won’t get it from you, you know why? Because your energy is of high value; not available to weak, needy energy vampires.
Your most precious assets: time, energy, and your own self-worth cost too much for the low-level Narc to afford.
7. Practice Strong Body Language
Use Body Language that you’re not looking for a fight, but are willing to if it were necessary. Use your hands, maintain eye contact, and so on.
The Narc will unconsciously sense your danger and may back off. It helps to be able to defend yourself, so extra points if you know some martial art.
Remember: your goal is to defend yourself and others, not to hurt the Narc. (it ain’t such a bad idea though… jk. I’m sure we all want to punch the Narc in the face)
The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.
8. You are stronger than you think and you know more than you think you know
I know it’s hard to think you are deserving of greatness in life when you’ve been or are living with a Narcissist. Having been criticized numerous times, the damage is done, but it shouldn’t be an excuse to not focus on harnessing some self-love. I lived it, and the invisible scars are there.
Pain is real. Suffering is optional. You dictate your mindset; remember this. You are in control. You write the script.
As much as I’d like to keep on and on, I’ll stop things here. I hope this article was helpful. I wish you good luck, and stay strong! You got this!